Open Letter to Bryan

R - shop sign in the city of Nadi; O - fruit vendor on the streets of the town of Sigatoka; B - Sigatoka Sand Dunes; Y - mango tree at the Eco-Lodge; N - fence posts at the Momi Guns lookout; L - railing on the beach at Denarau; O - end of the cannon at Momi Guns; V - me in a hotel pool; E - scuba diving off Viti Levu's western shore; S - tree overlooking the ocean at Sigatoka Dunes (I think it's a dracaena, but not 100% sure); B - mud painted on my stomach at the Sabeto Hot Springs; R - rope on the beach at Port Denarau; Y - on top of the Sigatoka Sand Dunes; A - the roof of the Eco Lodge kava bure; N - Natadola Beach

Dear Bryan,

One may wonder why I would be posting a letter to you here, rather than sending you this message directly or privately. But the thing is, I think it's time I made a little noise about just what a mind-bogglingly amazing life partner you are to me.


You may say "uh, Robyn, that was kind of the point of getting married: to publicly proclaim our feelings for each other..." But some time has passed since then-- four years today, to be exact-- and a lot can happen between two people in four years.  So I think it's worth revisiting in a public setting. (Not that anyone but you and my sister are actually reading this blog, as far as I know. But that's not really the point.) 

Marriage, we agreed, is not just about two people. For us, at least, it's about the community we are surrounded by, and the way that community recognizes us. That was why we got married. That is why marriage equality rights matter. (Note: I wrote the first draft of this letter before leaving for Fiji, before the U.S. Supreme Court ruled on marriage equality. It's a better world I'm coming home to!) Nobody needs anyone else's thumbs up to fall in love. Love and caring needs no one else's approval. But having a community that supports the relationship does certainly make a difference when times are hard. And few things are harder on a relationship than putting an entire planet in the middle of it. 10 weeks is a short span of time in the context of our entire lives... but it's still made up of 73 consecutive mornings of waking up apart. 

It hit me that, during this whole Fijian journey, I have not been around one single person who was at our wedding, who heard you promise to help quell my storms and to communicate honestly with me, who heard me promise to support you and to rely on you-- not one single person in this entire country besides me has even met you. 

Because of that isolation, I wanted to say all this to you. I also enlisted the help of other people to help me gather the photos above, as a symbolic reminder to both you and the people here that I love you and am thinking of you, and that part of you is with me wherever I go.

The concept of "if you love someone, set them free" is a cute aphorism in theory. But not everyone is cut out for it. Turns out, you are actually my role model when it comes to showing that kind of love. To this day, I can't think of a single time when you have held me back from anything. No inducing guilt, no passive-aggressive manipulation or buried resentment, no "you can'ts" or "you shouldn'ts." You listen to me, you express how you feel, you let me be me. More than that... you champion me being me. 

It also turns out, being away from you this long has made me more certain than ever of how thankful I am that you are (and have agreed to always be) in my life. Even this far away from you, I have still felt like our relationship is strong. Even when I have felt lonely-- which is often-- I have not felt distant from you. I am more grateful than ever for you, and for the kind of partner you have been and continue to be to me.

I wish everyone could have someone as loving, supportive, accepting, and fun as you.

Happy Anniversary.